It’s been 4 weeks and 1 day as I’m writing this update. I’m currently sitting at my kitchen bench having my second coffee for the day (very needed) while Jack snoozes away, for now, in the capsule.
Before writing this, I thought it would be good to look back on my 4 week blog update with Billy. Reading it again, I realise I’m overflowing with the same beautiful, raw, deep love for Jack, but wow, my postpartum experience has been so different in so many ways this time around.
I feel so relieved that this time I don’t feel the intense and overwhelming anxiety I felt with Billy, and that I get to experience the fourth trimester again but with a much clearer mind and more positive outlook. A 24 hour hospital scare with Billy induced intense and ongoing health anxiety in me, and it’s not until now, looking back, that I realise how consuming it was and how much I was struggling. I thought it was normal at the time, which is such a common thing for new mums to feel, but being in the same situation now without that fear and anxiety, I feel so sad for my first-time postpartum self.
I have loved every moment with Jack so far. We didn’t know his gender until birth, but I knew it was another precious boy. The second I laid eyes on him, I felt like I had known him forever. He has perfect soft skin, the cutest little head of hair, long lanky limbs, and the sweetest little lips I’ve ever seen. He is so beautiful, just like Billy.
Speaking of Billy, he has been the best big brother ever. He is so gentle, kind, loving and caring towards Jack. He constantly wants to hold him, kiss him and give him all his special toys. We couldn’t be happier or more proud of the way Billy has taken to Jack, or as Billy calls him, “Grapes”. We’re not quite sure where this nickname came from, but from when Jack was in my belly and we didn’t know his gender, Billy has always referred to him as “Grapes” and somehow the nickname has kind of stuck.
If you’ve followed me for a while, you’ll know I didn’t have the greatest physical recovery with Billy. Of course there are many factors that influence birth recovery and if you had asked me 2 years ago, I would have said my recovery was hard because of my birth: induction, big baby, tear, stitches, manual removal of my placenta, postpartum haemorrhage and a stitch infection. While these things likely played a part, after having almost identical complications with Jack, some of them even worse this time, and still having such a positive recovery, it’s made me think much deeper about what was different this time around.
They say second births are “easier” but for me that wasn’t the case. I found labour and birth much harder this time around. While labour and birth were harder, thankfully my recovery has been so much better. I’m putting that down to preparation and strength.
In contrast to Billy’s pregnancy, where I wasn’t allowed to exercise much due to bleeding, this time around I was much more active. I walked a lot, did Pilates 3 to 4 times a week from around 20 weeks, and really prepared my body in the final weeks of pregnancy. I followed our prenatal programs, did lots of prenatal Pilates classes, acupuncture, saw a women’s physio regularly, nourished my body with good food, stretched, and tried to rest as much as I could. I really went into birth feeling like I had done everything I could to give myself the best chance at a better recovery.
The morning of my induction, I went into hospital feeling physically and mentally strong. I felt prepared and in control, and I knew that whatever the outcome this time, I had tried my best and done everything I could to control the controllable.
I was terrified to give birth again because of my first recovery experience, and I’m so glad to say I was worried for no reason.
At 4 weeks postpartum, I’ve gone on pram walks (if you’re my physio reading this, sorry haha) and held Bill in my arms. I can sit and feed Jack without being in pain, something I longed for with Billy, and I can use a carrier to hold him too. Most of all, I can stand with confidence to care for and soothe Jack without feeling like my body is failing me.
Breastfeeding has been so much easier this time, my mindset is so much more positive, and overall I really trust myself as a mum. Yes, there are absolutely hard parts. I feel overwhelmed a lot, touched out at times, exhausted!!!!!!, impatient etc. But overall, I’ve loved this fourth trimester so much and I know it’s because I put in the extra effort to get here.
I’m still very early days and very sleep deprived, but wow, being a mum of 2 is so beautiful and I feel so lucky with my boys. I’m taking a little time away from work and feel very thankful to have Han holding down the fort while I soak up this newborn bubble.
I’m still prioritising rest where I can, but I really can’t wait for my 6 week check-up to hopefully get the all clear to begin Pilates again.