Update from Brooke, first four weeks!

I’m currently writing this blog during my 2 am night feed, so please bear with me if it’s a little all over the place; my brain is operating a little bit slower these days 😅

Wow, firstly, I can’t believe how fast time goes. I know everyone says it, and to be honest, it got pretty repetitive hearing people say this over and over while I was pregnant, but it’s true, it goes so damn fast! My little man is already out of 0000s and feels like he weighs a ton; what?!

Billy is so sweet and calm already, very similar to his dad. He loves walks in the pram, car rides, and showers with Dad, but mostly he loves mummy’s boobs (especially from 5-10 pm 🤣). Watching him grow, develop, and change is crazy. Each day he is a little more alert, focusing on particular objects, staring back at me during our feeds, and taking in the world around him. It’s magic.

Myles asked me the other day, “Reflecting, was birth everything you thought it would be, and would you change anything?” I thought this was such great timing to ask right before I was about to write this blog. Birth really did exceed my expectations in every way. It was intense, painful, scary, and overwhelming but also beautiful, magical, and absolutely euphoric all at the same time. I really wouldn’t change a single thing. I had an open mind before birth and tried not to be too attached to any particular outcome. I had my preference, of course, but the end goal was for my baby to be delivered safely in my arms; I didn’t care what that looked like.

While my PP experience with Billy has been incredibly positive, my recovery has been overwhelming. I expected to be in pain, sleep deprived, flooded with raging hormones, bleeding, sore nipples, etc but I definitely underestimated the physical toll birth would have on my body, even at 4 weeks PP. Billy was a pretty big boy, just shy of 4.2kgs (thank god for the epidural). While I thankfully didn’t have any major complications during my birth, my recovery has been intense. I found it really emotional throughout those first few weeks, obviously because I was so happy, but also emotional because I was trying to care for my new baby, who needed me so badly, while I was in so much pain myself—trying to feed him but being unable to sit without feeling pain or wanting to soothe him or change his nappy but not being able to stand on my feet. I think I subconsciously compared my recovery to others, and it was hard not being able to do certain things that I knew others found so easy. At just over 4 weeks, I finally feel like I’m starting to find my feet which is a nice feeling. I am not ‘recovered’; I’ve barely walked further than 100ms, but I am slowly beginning to feel more myself. I have a bit of a journey to build my strength up (thank god for our postnatal program), so I’m looking forward to my 6-week checkup to get the all-clear to get my body moving again. I don’t feel like many women talk about recovery after birth, so I wanted to share this with other women who experience the same.

Overall, my first four weeks of motherhood have been absolutely magical. I don’t know if it’s sleep deprivation, but I found it challenging to find the words to describe my emotions. Although my recovery has been intense, this has been second to the overwhelming love and joy I feel. I genuinely have never been happier or more content in my life. I spend my days staring at him, in shock that he is mine and that I get to keep him forever.

Every minute with him feels like the first, and I adore everything about caring for him. I feel so blessed to be his mum and can't wait for all the good times to come.